Be Encouraged!

For many years, I would have an aching to meet someone else like me.  For others out there, have you experienced the same kinds of issues growing up?  I have such a strong passion to help others and am about to get my degree as a Mental Health counselor.  I am also a licensed massage therapist and certified personal trainer.  For 18 years of my life, I competed as a synchronized swimmer and also have a history in ballet, soccer and track.  I consider myself very well-rounded and as previously stated, since I don't fit into a particular box, I have a drive to explore interests beyond stereotypical norms society wants to place on me. 

Mixies are beautiful.  There is such a vast array of differences we all possess.  As I have walked through life, I have been able to come into contact with more of those from my culture and it is a breath of fresh air to observe how our minds are different than others but the same in curiosity.  Overcoming adversity derives such a great sense of resilience that Mixies who are self-aware and have journeyed through life experiences to embody a strong confidence represent.  I am proud of my culture.  If you have struggled with similar issues, have faith that you have the power to define your own boundaries and make sense of the world in a unique way and take comfort in knowing, you are not alone!  If bullying is something you have experienced as I did or are dealing with now, recognize that those around you are insecure in themselves and feel the need to belittle your greatness.  Be encouraged and acknowledge your beauty.  You are stronger than you think you are! 

My Story

Growing up in a non-traditional role as a woman and a minority awarded me the perspective that I was not limited due to my gender or race.  I am a product of an interracial marriage.  My father was of African-American decent and my mother is fifty percent Polish and fifty percent Czechoslovakian.  My father was killed in the line of duty as a state trooper when I was 6 months old.  Because he was a victim of a hate crime, there was a lawsuit involved with his death, which awarded my mother the ability to not work until I was 16.  Therefore, I grew up in her influence as a Caucasian.    

The population of students where I went to school was predominantly white.  Actually, until sixth grade, I was the only person of color in my entire grade and basically the whole school. When not in school, I lacked exposure to my African American heritage as well because it was often too painful for my mother to be around my father’s side of the family.  Therefore, I had a fairly limited amount of interaction with my other half for a number of years.  Since I was used to mainly being around Caucasians, I did not feel out of place or even that I stood out at all.  The influence of my mother made me identify with other Caucasians.  In my head, I was just a regular young girl.

I did not know I was different until someone else brought it to my attention by pointing out certain physical characteristics such as having curly hair and being a darker complexion than my mother and peers.  When I became an adolescent, the awareness of my differences painfully sunk in.  The harsh realities of racism were very hard to experience.  For years I battled with who I felt I was on the inside against the appearance everyone else saw on the outside.

I was not the dating preference, which added to my self-esteem issues to a degree.  I was literally told by a couple guys I liked that the reason they did not like me was that the color of my skin was not the ideal for them.  Not being sought after was hard to take initially but then I came to know that it was just not my time to date and I was able to gain self-awareness and develop resilience from numerous trials regarding my race and gender.  Reflecting back on that time, I am so fortunate that I was not desired.  With the absence of a father, I really sought to fill that void through friendships with guys.  Had they had ulterior motives, I probably would have become a teen mom statistic. 

            When I studied abroad in Australia in college, I was able to really step into myself as an individual because I no longer had to succumb to the societal pressure of stereotypical norms of a group I was racially part of but had not connected with growing up. For the first time, I was allowed to just focus on myself and progress as an individual instead of worry about making decisions based on my race and gender.  The drastic decrease in anxiety finally gave me my own voice and the confidence I needed to embrace my own interests and hobbies instead of those deemed essential for staying true to what others thought I should be into based on my genetic makeup.   

Growing up bi-racial has also allowed me to put down typical stereotypes that are so commonly placed on people from other cultures and see them for who they are as individuals.  This is such a privilege because since I do not fit into one particular culture myself, I am able to identify with several.  I also find I am very quick to accept and embrace ones uniqueness within ones culture; people going against the stereotypical assumed “norms” of their culture is a personality trait I am very drawn to. 

Welcome to my blog!  I wanted this blog to be a place where people of bi-racial backgrounds could connect to their culture.  Growing up as a half black and half white individual was very difficult at times and caused me to feel a void when trying to belong.  Here you will learn a little of my story and how I overcame struggles with being bi-racial and finding my sense of self.